biblical femininity

in the last year of my life i (hope) have been studying alot on what healthy relationships between men and women look like. it's brought up alot of questions and i've gotten alot of answers... but i always have more questions than answers.

i LOVE questions. i love asking questions because people fascinate me and questions - when answered in honest vulnerability - show me the depth of who people are. likewise, when there are questions i'm asking myself, i get a better sense of what drives me and makes me who i am when i'm able to see a character trait of my own - whether good or bad - more clearly.

one of the shockers for me this last year was realizing how deeply engrained secular femininism is in my mindset when it comes to how it has impacted my view of ministry, church leadership and my own interaction with my brothers in Christ.

lately, while still trying to counteract alot of what society-induced feminism has taught me over the years, i read the book Wild at Heart by John Eldridge.

whoa.

when i finished the book it was as if i'd started seeing the men in my life through new eyes. i'd gained a new appreciation for who they are and the God-given motivation they have to protect, pursue and seek adventure.

"The heart of a man is like deep water ..." - Proverbs 20:5

i am beyond blessed to have men in my life who cherish me for who i am, delight in me, rescue me when i am in need, protect me and inspire me by sharing their love for God - the source of their strength. i've been grateful for their place in my life before, but i've never quite appreciated them as much as i do now.

with gaining some new understanding of the masculine heart, i've of course started questioning how God designed the feminine heart as well. it's been fascinating as i read exerpts about healthy femininity the way God designed us to be and what that looks like in the Body of Christ.

it's so difficult sometimes to explain to an american woman these days that i'm okay letting the men in my life lead. when i say something like that, they almost think i'm saying i'm less than a man and i don't think highly of myself or my abilities in comparison with a man's.

that's not it at all.

i believe a woman with men in her life who offer kind strength rather than abusive and controlling strength (which society has us believing is nearly the essense of masculinity) does not see herself as less... but as valued.

today i came across a great insight from Elizabeth Elliott in her response to what the "Essense of Femininity" is. i wanted to share a part of it that really hit home for me:

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"The first woman was made specifically for the first man, a helper, to meet, respond to, surrender to, and complement him. God made her from the man, out of his very bone, and then He brought her to the man. When Adam named Eve, he accepted responsibility to "husband" her---to provide for her, to cherish her, to protect her. These two people together represent the image of God---one of them in a special way the initiator, the other the responder. Neither the one nor the other was adequate alone to bear the divine image.

The gentle and quiet spirit of which Peter speaks, calling it "of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:4), is the true femininity, which found its epitome in Mary, the willingness to be only a vessel, hidden, unknown, except as Somebody's mother. This is the true mother-spirit, true maternity, so absent, it seems to me, in all the annals of feminism. "The holier a woman is," wrote Leon Bloy, "the more she is a woman."

The world looks for happiness through self-assertion. The Christian knows that joy is found in self-abandonment. "If a man will let himself be lost for My sake," Jesus said, "he will find his true self." A Christian woman's true freedom lies on the other side of a very small gate---humble obedience---but that gate leads out into a largeness of life undreamed of by the liberators of the world, to a place where the God-given differentiation between the sexes is not obfuscated but celebrated, where our inequalities are seen as essential to the image of God, for it is in male and female, in male as male and female as female, not as two identical and interchangeable halves, that the image is manifested.

To gloss over these profundities is to deprive women of the central answer to the cry of their hearts, "Who am I?" No one but the Author of the Story can answer that cry."

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seriously? how freeing are those words?!?!

"life's a dance we learn as we go", as that old song says... and oh boy am i learning.





(the entire chapter that Elizabeth Elliott contributed to Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood -A Response to Evangelical Feminism by Wayne Grudem and John Piper can be found online here.)

the battlefield

imagine for a moment that you are standing in a beautiful open field. its expanse is awe-inspiring, and the peace and beauty you find there would be enough to lull you into falling asleep on any other day. wildflowers line the horizon, and it seems as if no one but you has ever entered this part of the world.

you close your eyes and the sunlight warms you as it seems to beam through your eyelids. you breathe in the smell of the soil and lush green nature all around you. you are the only person for miles, and you soak in the rest you feel in this field of peace and tranquility.

then... you sense a change.

your relaxed stance quickly tenses as you open your eyes to see a new landscape. the vision of your once peaceful world is now one of darkness. fear engulfs you, and your breathing quickens as you sense that you are no longer alone.

your try to adjust to the darkness, yet your confusion grows as you sense an enemy but can not see it. you consider running, but the thought of being chased seems scarier. you stand... scared and alone... you think of lashing out, but attacking something without knowing its weakness seems worse than just standing alone in the darkness.

your fear increases as the darkness around you fills with malicious sounds. you feel your defeat is near, as your fear of the unknown closes in on your waving strength. you crouch on the ground, with your head buried in your knees and your hands over your ears. you imagine this fear might be worse than an actual attack... it cripples you as you cower in terror.

your mind whirls with a sense of injustice. has anyone ever battled this foe before now? if so, why were you never warned? never warned that your peaceful field of sunshine and wildflowers could quickly turn into a battleground when you least expected it? if you were warned, you could've stayed alert.

as the noise grows, you cry out for help...

if only you had a light and could see what enemy you faced...

if only you had a shield and weapon to fight with...

if only you had armor for protection if you needed to fight...

if only you had been trained and equipped for the battle...

if only you had been warned that there was a battle.


when it seems fear itself will overcome you, the sound in the darkness is silenced by a loud roar. a blinding white Light illuminates the area aroud you, and the darkness flees from anywhere the Light touches. you glance down, and recognize the green under you is that of your peaceful field...

the sounds in the darkness grow yet again, but the light does not fade. the Light pierces the darkness with words that are new to your ears.

The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Romans 13:12

is it your imagination? did the darkness shrink back further?

more words come, and the darkness explodes in fury as you realize these words are meant for you...

Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Eph 6:10-12

stand? yes... you feel like you can stand. your legs seem weak, but the Light that bathes you and pierces the darkness, has given you new confidence.

the words continue.

Put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Eph 6:13-17

your confidence grows as you soak up the power those words seem to have. you wish you had the armor the words spoke of. you crave that feeling of safety.

feeling scared once again, you look down. on the ground in front of you is a sword. you bend down to grab the sword and at the same time, you realize you don't recognize the boots on your feet. they grip the ground better than any others you've ever worn.

your hands grip the sword and you stand upright, feeling a bit taller than you did before. you are clothed in armor as every muscle in your body seems to come alive, ready to fight... ready to face your foe with these weapons... with this strength.

the darkness screams again and you have a new awareness of it. no longer afraid, you stand clothed in armor and gripping your sword in readiness. you see the darkness swirling, and as you gaze around you, you realize there is another Light in the distance...

you wonder if that Light holds a person who has gone through all that you have. the thought overwhelms you, and because you imagine you have been where he is, you shout encouragement through the darkness... just hoping he can hear.

encouragement seems futile, although you remember what it felt like a while ago, to hear the words break through your despair and fear. your muscles tense and you start to run... willing to brave the darkness to see another who might be suffering in fear, gain the strength that you now know.

the Light that was once outside of you, now seems to radiate from beneath your armor as you leap into the darkness...

what the Light does not pierce, your sword quickly takes care of, and your feet claim the ground of the battlefield, as you draw nearer and nearer to the other Light. you stop a short ways off, as more words echo across the battlefield.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Eph 6:18

you stand, letting those words sink in. you realize this warrior must choose to fight...

it seems like forever, but you fill with a sense of anticipation and suspense as he bends down and picks up his sword. now clothed in armor and radiating Light, he looks around with new awareness, and sees you standing poised and alert beside him. your Light joins with his, and grows in strength as the darkness flees before you.

you both look around, and see another light in the darkness. you tense for battle as your new companion wields his sword for the first time.

the Light pulses around you as you both shout words that have somehow become a part of you...

words that seem to echo through the darkness when nothing else can...

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7

ready for battle, your growing army charges into the darkness...

towards another Light...

from nate's perspective...

most of the time i write these blogs from my point of view, but today i read nate mellum's point of view on a note he'd written on facebook about last night's community group. it was so challenging and encouraging to read the wisdom and insight that God gave him, i thought i'd share it.


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"Church Decision-making"

Today at work I had a lot of time to sit, read and think.

Last night at Community we had a lot of back and forth on a certain issue, a new issue, a new possible step for the group and Christ's body. At first, to me anyways, it seemed that we were in agreement. I felt empowered by the Spirit, I could see that others felt the same.

It took me a few minutes to realize that not everyone was feeling the same way.

My first reaction to other ideas was...well, nothing. I had no reaction. Because, besides being slightly curious as to what the differing opinions were, I didn't care. I wasn't being unloving, just not as loving as a family should be. I was not embracing how the Spirit could be working on other people. I new what was right, which is a good place to be, but I didn't seek compassion for others because I was so assured. It was brought up at one point, that the body should only make a decision when everyone is in agreement. I didn't give it much thought at the time (mainly because I couldn't think of Scripture that supported either way), and I can't remember what was said afterwards, but my feeling is that it was generally put down.

The church should be in complete agreement (in decision making), God revealed that to me today. (Romans 15:5-6, 1 Cor. 1:10, 2 Cor. 13:11)

In Acts 1:14 and 4:32 it describes the body as being of "one mind" and "of one heart and soul". Someone mentioned this phrase to me last night and I had to step back and look at it. How could we possibly hope to obtain this one-mindedness in our body if we don't seek to be of one accord in decision making? If we take the Scriptural description of the church as a human body: Christ is the head and we are the members (Eph. 1:22-23). I'm going to say that we all seek the head, Christ's will, in our gathering. I believe we do. He guides and leads the body. If we believe that we are all seeking His will, then there must be a reason that Christ compels people in slightly different directions in regards to one decision. To teach us to not do as democracy and the world does: railroad the people that are in the minority, but instead, to love. If the body moved ahead to do something without everyone being in agreement (not necessarily equal in enthusiasm), we would be denying what the Head was telling all of us, as a whole. Consequently, we wouldn't be able to function to our full potential as a body. In the human body sense, the legs may be walking in two different directions. (Being complete agreement even eliminates gossip and bitterness.)

John describes God as love. 1 John 4:8: "...God is love." In order to love there must be others to love. God is love, because God is a communal being. The Trinity is the perfect image of what the church should be like, in a relational sense. God, Jesus, and the Spirit, all have different functions and are in a sense, different. But they are of one mind. One being, three aspects. They are in complete agreement all the time, they do not disagree. (John 17:20-21). The more unified the church becomes, the more like the Trinity we become.

"But how is it possible for humans to reach complete agreement...we're human?" Because we are lead by the Divine being, the ultimate high priest, our head, Christ. If we don't all agree, and then move forward, we deny His authority and ability to lead.

-Nate

p.s. As a side note...I found it very neat about how we handled the difference in opinions. Despite not accepting as a group that we should be in complete agreement, I felt, we embraced those that were being lead otherwise. Because of our love for each other, we were not at ease until we had sought out those that were hurting! And by the end of the night, as far as I know, we were in agreement! We were led by Christ yet again; our love for each other "saved" us, so to speak from hurt feelings.

find Him in the valley...

last night at community, one of our younger girls, marissa collins, said something that caught my attention. she said every year she can point out a time when she will experience extreme joy and extreme depression... during and after a summer camp she usually goes to.

as she explained her statement, i was filled with sadness at the depth and emotion (from personal experience) that her words held. marissa said each year she goes to summer camp, and is filled with excitement as she spends time with other believers who have left to the same camp as her to spend time away from the real world connecting with God on a level she doesn't usually experience during the rest of the year. she followed up her excited reverie with a sigh, and said "but then we go back home... things go back to normal life. people struggle with sin and sadness and just all the normal stuff that doesnt happen at camp."

i realized marissa's words rang with the sadness and longing we all have felt at one time or another. we've all gone to a camp or womens retreat or conference, and gotten to have those "mountaintop experiences" with other people who we unite in purpose with to seek after God for that time.

when marissa was done sharing, something i've always thought but never really spoke of kinda became clear in my head, and i shared it with the group.

as the Body of Christ grows stronger and more healthy, i dont believe life will be lived today on "the mountaintop" and tomorrow "in the valley" (if you put it in the churchy terms we've all heard so many times)... not to the extreme, at least. i believe it will be lived on level ground... in community with one another. with community surrounding us, we have the support and the strength that we need in this life that is so hard to handle sometimes.

marissa's sentiments about her sadness in leaving camp were tied to the people she left behind... the community she had been a part of, and the emptiness she felt when she realized she was going back to the real world where she didnt have that. she knew she would be met with loneliness and that emptiness that just seems to consume us all when we feel alone or need someone to encourage us and challenge us to focus on Christ and what he is doing rather than the distractions of this world.

i would submit to you that God is so often not on that perpetual mountaintop... but rather, that he resides in the valley... the place where we are challenged in our faith and spurred on in our walk with him. for many in our community group here in reno, our "valleys" are the days between when we see each other and when we meet to encourage and comfort and invest in one another... and our "mountaintop experiences" are so often and so deeply rooted in what Christ is teaching us and leading us towards, that the valleys dont seem so bad... they don't seem like a far drop from the mountaintop.

on the mountaintop (our times of community and sharing life together), we just get a better view... a better perspective from a higher elevation... of what the valley looks like, and what God is doing in us there. we're learning to look for God in the valleys... in the places where he challenges us to leave our comfort zones and seek more of Him in new and fresh ways.

this week i'm learning that community means the Christian walk isn't an emotional rollercoaster... not a yoyo of excitement and then inevitable depression when that excitement wears off... it's a stable and driving force that God uses to dispell loneliness, combat insecurity, and make us aware of our strengths and weakness so we can have someone else come along side us and help support us through the hard times.

geographically in america, the physical valleys we have here are some of the most beautiful places in the world to visit. people travel across continents to walk across the lush beauty of a valley of green grass, rolling fields of wildflowers and hanging trees.

isnt it ironic (if we're relating these valleys to Christian terms) that life in the valley is kept alive - and sustained - by runoff from those mountaintops? hmmm.

if Christ creates the valleys on this earth with so much creativity and beauty, why did we every start thinking it was a bad thing to be in one?

nothing can separate us

to have the ones we love leave us is so hard.

even if it's only for a season, we still desire fellowship with them, and feel the absense of their unique contributions to our daily walks with God when they are gone. in our group, we have a hard time being apart from each other even for a few days inbetween tuesday and friday when we meet each week... so we have lunch and get together for coffee, and set up movie nights... all just for an excuse to share life together.

we crave and protect our time together... as much of it as we can get.

meagan, a precious part of our community, is moving away in the next week or two... and we are having to work really hard not to just kidnap her and keep her here and not let her leave.

we are happy God is opening up new job and school opportunities for her in oregon, but her presence in our lives is priceless, and her maturity in her gifting has been such a beautiful blessing to get to experience the last few months. many of us have known her for years and just recently reconnected with her again, but God's timing was so perfect! intimate and real foundations for lasting friendships and relationship with her were built to the point where NOTHING can separate us in Spirit.

no distance... no geographic change of location will affect our love for her, though. we will miss her daily presense in our lives so much, but we will rejoice with her as we see what amazing things God has in store for her.

Psalm 139: 8-10
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

what a beautiful woman, our meagan is... we love you megs... stay strong!!

discipleship is like... an oreo cookie

awhile back, on a friday night at community group, we discussed what true discipleship looks like. many of us have had different experiences in the institutional church with discipleship or being mentored by someone, so we came together wanting to know what biblical discipleship looks like.


we came to this conclusion: biblical discipleship is sharing life with someone... not necessarily in scheduled moments to go through a book about God, or reading our Bibles (although that is GREAT!) but rather going through LIFE together and learning through life experience, who God is and who he desires us to be.

it's cool that discipleship isn't just an older person mentoring a young person... it's a two way street.

real and effective discipleship is like an oreo cookie... the mentor and person being mentored are like the two cookies, and the life and experiences they share become all that creamy goodness inbetween... its the best part!

pry those cookies apart, and both come away carrying parts of that filling... parts of those experiences and moments that they've shared, stuck on them.

the one being discipled isn't the only one who is left changed and impacted from that relationship and those times shared... the discipler is changed as well.

now... go get a box of oreos and a glass of milk (i have no cool metaphor for the milk, though) and go share life with a friend...

it'll do The Body of Christ some good.

our love is LOUD...

Colossians 3:12-17

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

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those words are so beautiful they take my breath away... and it's freakin hard to live them out.

the denial of self... the death of self... to live in peace and unity... to bear with one another through not only the joy, but the hard times too. the times where the rubberbands that hold our friendships and relationships together, are stretched and tested...

but God is capable of doing so much more than we can even ask or imagine.

Corinthians 3:14-21
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

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our community group is "feeling the burn" right now...

in the last week i know of many who have roughed it out in relationships or friendship with someone in their life, and thankfully been able to discern that it is not against flesh and blood that we fight... not against people or miscommunication or insecurity or hurt, but rather the one who has come to steal, kill and destroy...

i think we forget sometimes that the enemy waits patiently in the wings for our insecurity, wounds, bitterness, anger or despair to engulf us to the point that he can subtly take ground in the final outcome of those things...

the destruction of relationship and community, where intimacy and vulnerability are nonexistent.

in each situation i have witnessed, heard of, or handled myself in the last week, i have been in awe of the way Christ has made each person aware of the fact that it is a spiritual battle that we fight, and one that is won through vulnerability, openness and intimacy in the relationships that we find are being tested.

through confronting the true battle and "stepping up to bat" so to speak, all of us dealing with trial this last week were able to keep our eyes on the true source of our strength and swing with all our might as we knocked insecurity, miscommunication, doubt, and lies Satan would have us believe, right out of the park!

that that's not the end of the game... not the end of the battle though... after seeing the enemy for what he is, and hitting him with jonathan's bat of TRUTH (like that, jon?), restoration still needs to happen... there is still a part of the race to run... we still need to round the bases, and hard conversations that bring restoration and peace in the end, still need to be had...

last night when we gathered, many of us were exhausted and yet in awe at seeing God so evident in the things we'd been through. even in our exhaustion we were joyous... joyous that we could come together saying that what we are striving for... what we feel God is leading us to... is worth fighting for...

this week, we saw the battle for what it was. it wore us out, but in many ways we were much more prepared and aware of it than we ever wouldve been before... before talking and wrestling with our questions and our doubts, and before sharing life with one another.

i think our discussion last friday about conflict resolution had a big part in the way we each handled the difficult relational issues or hurdles that we had to deal with.

in each battle i heard of that happened with someone in our community, someone else in our community came alongside and encouraged, comforted or supported the person going through it. no one is alone... no one is abandoned. we are a family, and are not ashamed of our tears or our struggles or the fact that we are a raggedy scraggly bunch of kids who dont know what we're doing half the time... but we're trying to figure it out together, and we're learning to love each other through our weaknesses.

where one is weak, others are strong.

this wont be the last time we struggle... this wont be the last time we battle it out...

but the fact that we struggle... that we fight for what is important to us...

it shows that we are alive and kickin...

as joy spoke so beautifully last night in prayer... "our love is LOUD!" and we are sounding the battle cry... the one that shouts "THIS IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR!"